Changing My Story

In the apartment that I used to share with my family, I would frequently get bored with the rooms and would make my husband rearrange them.  A lot.  Now, in our house, the hubby mounted the TV to the wall as soon as I’d let him, locking it into place.  It pains me a little to not be able to rearrange that room.  I constantly find myself wanting to change things, make them better.  If I move this room that way, then it will look more open, cleaner, efficient, stylish, etc, etc.  I am very much this way with my own life as well.  I am forever rearranging things, changing behaviors and attitudes, trying to make them better, more acceptable, easier, open, cleaner, etc.  I am always striving for more patience, more faith, more energy, more ideas.  I certainly haven’t perfected any one of these yet, but I do have a lot of great ideas.  As each day passes, I am keenly aware of how fast my children are growing.  I am also aware that they are my life and I would take a bullet for any one of them.  I work hard to try and make things better for them, even if it’s something simple like rearranging THEIR rooms (something I also do a lot). 

Someone wise once said, in talking about their own life, “I’m changing my story.”  Well so am I.  I am changing it bit by bit.  

Gathering Around the Table

I recently read Bread & Wine: A Love Letter to Life Around the Table by Shauna Niequist.  While I have been a big fan of Shauna’s books, this one is the one that really made me think.  It made me consider what I have going on around the table.  I realized that my table life is both a little sad and a little blessed.  It is sad because my friends and I never spend time there.  We have never been the ‘gathering around the table’ sort (and I think I might actually be the only one with a table big enough to accomplish this).  That makes me sad because I long for summer gatherings and pot lucks.  It’s the kind of life I always wished I had.  But I am also blessed, because every night, I get to sit at the table with my family.  I can lean to my left and give my baby girl a kiss or to my right and hug my slightly older baby girl.  I can listen to them bicker and play with each other.   I can hear about their school days or the newest plot to ‘Shake It Up’.    I love those moments.  But I do wish for more gatherings, more friends, more family.  As Shauna states in her book, we should "stop running from thing to thing to thing, and to sit down at the table, to offer the people you love something humble and nourishing...".  Just the very idea sounds warm and inviting and promising of good times and laughter. As usual, Shauna uses eloquent words to invite you in to her own table with the promise of food and comfort.  She involves you in intimate stories while nourishing your soul and mind.  I highly recommend this book (as well as her other two – Bittersweet and Cold Tangerines).  They are each like a breath of fresh, faithful air.

P.S. Make sure to try out some of the recipes, they are superb!

I Like to Move It, Move It

Another light in the dark for me lately has been exercise.  I recently started P90X.  Now, just a quick background on me.  I am a relatively non-moving person.  I was exercising, or trying to, every day, but it was the same exercise, over and over and over.  Now, I have gone from that to P90X.  If you don’t know, the “X” part of that stands for extreme.  And they are NOT kidding!  Extreme indeed!  But after only 3 days, I found myself really enjoying and a little proud of the few things I actually could get through (as if that was some indication that I might have had some kind of muscle mass before I even started).  On day three, one exercise plan was called Ab Ripper X.  I found that I physically was not able to do these things.  It wasn’t because I wasn’t strong enough or I was too muscularly sore, but because I had actually sprained my ab muscle and didn’t realize it.  Really?  Life’s good way of knocking me down a peg and saying yeah, you aren’t that good.  So grudgingly I took yesterday off of the exercising.  I went shopping with the hubs and then came home and watched some TV while I was bitterly nibbling on cheese, wishing it were a big bowl of ice cream instead.  But tonight I will do my next sequence of exercises.  I might have to modify in order to avoid injuring myself further until this is healed, but I will do it nonetheless (I am excellent at pressing my luck, just ask my mother). 

So now I feel like the ab is healed and I pushed forward.  A couple days after that, Yoga X.  I learned the hard way that my body does NOT do what it used to be able to.  I learned that when I was coming out of a difficult move (a move that was NOT difficult when I was 10) and felt the (giant) muscle in my back go.  Oh that was pain.  I made it the rest of the way through the yoga gingerly however.  I did have the skip the next day’s workout, but not because of the injury, but because I was literally home for one hour so there was no way to get through one and have time to take a shower before the next activity.  So yesterday I moved on to Kenpo X.  THAT was a lot of fun!  I know I looked very sloppy and clumsy and not capable of landing a punch on anything, but it was still fun and I look forward to doing more! 

First ray of light

I am starting this blog for a little positivity.  My original blog, Small Wonders, was started with the hopes of sharing accomplishments and such with the people I love.  As time went on, it became more of an outlet for my own personal verbal vomit.  It may stay that way, I have not decided that yet.  So now I have created my own ‘Light in the the dark’ because even when I am angry and bitter, there is something good happening in my life, whether it’s a quick cuddle from one of my girls or the chance to soak in the tub or an unexpected surprise from my guy, there is always something good and this blog will (hopefully) celebrate those things. 

One thing that always gives me a little light in the dark is my church.  Now this is not to say I am some religious fanatic or I’m going to start preaching anytime you see me.  Most of you know that is not at all the case and when I say my church, I am not talking on a faith end (though that is nice too).  I am talking about the place itself.  I started going there in 4^th grade when my big brother introduced me to it.  I was in small groups, I made friends, I had sleepovers there.  I met my first serious boyfriend there, made a couple lifelong friends there and now I work there.  The place has grown by leaps and bounds since I started attending, but despite all the changes, it still has this smell, this feeling, that hits me as soon as soon I walk in the door.  When I am waiting for a service to start, I can just breathe it in and it instantly calms my nerves.  Sometimes that calm comes with a sadness that I can’t share this feeling with the people I love, but sometimes it just comes with a moment of much-needed peace.  I can never quite put my finger on why it feels that way, but the best way I can describe it is it’s like coming home.  The people I work with, both as a volunteer and on staff, are the best group of people in the world.  They never judge you or look down on you. They accept you as you are and they do so with open arms and warm hearts.  It is rare to see such a great group of people anywhere else.  They truly feel like my extended family.

So there, that is my light in the dark for today.  There will be plenty more to come!